


october

by loonaloves



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, add 2jin to the list of ships i've wrote angst for, fluffy in the beginning though kinda, this is so short compared to my last oneshot lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 20:04:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20644892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonaloves/pseuds/loonaloves
Summary: Heejin's going off to college, which means saying goodbye to everything she's ever known. Including Hyunjin.





	october

**Author's Note:**

> based off the song october by alessia cara

The boxes piled up in the corner of Heejin's room, the area looking so much emptier yet so messy all at once. Each box carried everything she needed when she went off to college. She remembered the way her mom cried when Heejin opened up her acceptance letter, and the way her dad hugged her for longer than he ever has before. She remembered especially the way Hyunjin had smiled at her, like she couldn't be more proud of Heejin. She remembered how great of a moment that was. But especially, she remembered how much better it felt in the moment than it did now; because now, looking back on all that love seems to make her realize that all of that will be gone.

It hadn't hit her how much she never wanted to grow up until it happened, until she had to. She was happy to go to college. Ever since she was younger, she had dreams of fulfilling her education like this, to study music and become the great musician she's always wanted to be. She chuckled as her eyes fell on her guitar, laying atop the boxes with all her clothes.

She'd given up a lot to get this far. Nothing could make her stop now. But more so, nothing could stop the feeling she couldn't even give a name to that swelled in her chest, making her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Everything was moving so fast now. All of a sudden she missed the days when they lasted what seemed to be years, because she didn't know what to do with the way that clocks began ticking, and time became a concept to fear. Now, worry filled her veins at the thought of having to give this all up.

Her room was no longer lively and crowded. She laughed when thinking that because she knew her parents always complained about its mess. The floor was now spotless, the only thing left on it other than boxes was her bed in the corner. That was where she learned how to play her first song on the ukelele (which she begged her parents for at age thirteen).

_Her eyebrows knotted together, tongue peeking out of her lips as she concentrated way too hard. "Okay..." she said to herself, hushed, "down, down, up down up."_

_Her laptop laid open on the opposite edge of the bed, displaying the notes that she'd need, and wow, it sounded way easier to play than it did to actually do it correctly. She huffed out at a once again failed attempt at the strumming pattern and groaned, clenching her fist hard before closing her eyes and breathing calmly again._

_"Down, down, up down up," she repeated, bringing her hands to the strings and keeping her eyes glued to her fingers, making sure all her notes were right and finally, finally she did it, hands loosening their grip on the instrument in realization. She laughed in joy when it truly hit her, she just played the first song on her first instrument. Wow. Wow!_

_"Mom! Mom, I played it! My uke!" Heejin yelled out, a great big smile adorning her features, and she swears this is the most accomplished she's ever felt. She fumbled off her bed after clumsily tightening her hold on her ukelele again and ran out of her room, going into the kitchen where her parents were making dinner. "I did it!"_

_Her parents turned around and Heejin didn't think it was possible, but she smiled even wider when they grinned back. "Oh, Heejin, you're so talented," her mother praised, leaning down to pick her daughter up. Heejin laughed when her mother grunted after putting Heejin back on the floor. "You'll be too big for me to pick up soon, baby, stop growing up on me..." She placed a wet, loud kiss right on Heejin's cheek._

_Heejin wiped at the wetness left by her lips and brought her ukelele up to play. "Do you wanna hear?" As both her parents nodded, she began. Her hand stumbled and created an awkward sound on her instrument, and she groaned. "Wait, I promise I just did it..." She tried again and there it was, she did it, she did it again and she looked up expectantly at her parents, seeing the pride in their eyes in knowing that this is their daughter._

_Heejin laughed, so happy, and let her mom place another kiss on her cheek._

A knock sounded at the open door beside Heejin, making her turn abruptly to look at the person. She smiled when it was her father she saw.

"Hi, Dad," Heejin greeted, quieter and less enthused than she normally is. She felt way too big now. But her dad still smiled wide at her like that time she played the ukelele for him. She waited for him to speak for a minute because he couldn't seem to talk for a while.

"I can't believe you grew up so fast on us," her dad admitted when he found his voice. "I always knew you'd make us proud." His eyes glistened with tears. "We really do love you, Heejin."

Heejin willed her own tears from forming in her eyes too. "I love you too, Dad," she said, but it came out as a whisper.

"We'll be in the car when you're ready to go," he informed, grabbing some of the boxes. And all Heejin could do was stand there, watching as the minutes passed and her father came in and out of the room until there were no boxes left, nothing left except her and her bed.

Her bed was pretty small, too small to fit another person. Every time she had a sleepover, she'd offer to sleep on the couch so the other can sleep on her bed. She offered that to everyone. Except one person.

So, maybe she was a little selfish, okay. But if she hadn't done what she did then today would have never happened. The girl who encouraged her to reach her dreams and chase every goal.

_Heejin sat on her bed, dangling her legs off the end as Hyunjin stood up before her. It was their first sleepover, which might have been odd considering they've known each other since they were ten and it's been five years since initially meeting. The almost inaudible music played through the room on Heejin's vinyl player, set to the lowest volume that they could still hear so that they could talk at a hushed sound instead of talking over it. Normally it wouldn't be a problem with Heejin and her friends, but it was midnight now and if she was being honest, this is Hyunjin we're talking about; loud, humorous, beautiful Hyunjin._

_Heejin hummed to the tune of the record, hands just barely touching Hyunjin's and rubbing her thumbs comfortingly across them. Hyunjin's eyes only seemed to shine brighter with the almost complete absence of light in the room, only the christmas lights on Heejin's walls illuminating the room. Heejin watched Hyunjin yawn, her droopy eyes being willed to keep open._

_Heejin patted the spot next to her on the bed, silently telling Hyunjin to come lay with her. Hyunjin eyed the spot, and if she weren't so tired, she'd insist that Heejin takes the bed and she'd sleep on the floor or something. The moment Heejin bunched up the blankets in her hand and nodded with her head for her to get in, she plopped down and let her body splay out beneath the blankets as Heejin brought them back up to cover her._

_Heejin knew she should go to the couch now. She should leave Hyunjin alone to sleep by herself and come back in the morning to talk. But it was so hard to leave, it was so hard to pull her eyes away from Hyunjin's face, peaceful and way too elegant for someone that was practically asleep. Heejin knew that now was the time to leave. But instead, she laid down right next to her, bodies too close to be friendly, especially when she wrapped her arm around Hyunjin._

_She pulled a piece of hair out of Hyunjin's face and thought about the time she knew she was in love with her. The day they skipped lunch at school to hold hands in the football field as Hyunjin told her about everything she loved. She knew she had fallen the second she looked up at Hyunjin, both her small hands enveloped in Hyunjin's bigger ones, her eyes catching Hyunjin's gleaming, sparkly ones, then glancing down to her lips, plump and so kissable. She was scared at first. But so quickly, that fear was replaced with warmth. She was warm everywhere, a feeling that made her want to smile forever spreading through her body. She placed her nose on Hyunjin's and grinned. That was the closest they've ever been, and probably the closest they will ever be. Briefly, Heejin wondered what her parents would think about her liking a girl like this. Then, she thought about what Hyunjin would think about her liking a girl like this. Liking a girl that was her like this._

_Heejin marked that day on her calendar with a heart. She knew what love felt like on that day. And, for anyone that wanted to know, love was a nice, comfortable feeling, as long as you accepted it._

_Heejin sighed, wishing that she could be with Hyunjin like that. Hoping that Hyunjin maybe liked her like that too._

_"Are you still awake?" Heejin whispered, fingers running along the skin of Hyunjin's waist._

_"I'm awake," Hyunjin answered. She sounded so tired. But this was so important._

_"Can— Can you... look at me?" Heejin asked, voice steady but Hyunjin could tell she was scared._

_Hyunjin turned her head and opened her eyes, looking right at Heejin, and Heejin felt her world burning out. Her looks could kill, judged by how accelerated it always makes Heejin's heart rate just by looking into her eyes._

_"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Heejin asked. She hoped that Hyunjin wouldn't run away because of that question._

_Hyunjin was quiet for a moment, and Heejin could see her face getting red. "N-no," she admitted. "Have you?"_

_"No," she replied. Heejin was breathing heavier, eyes subconsciously darting down to Hyunjin's lips for a millisecond before forcing them back up to meet Hyunjin's eyes again. She bit her tongue before asking her next question. "Do you..." but she couldn't finish._

_Hyunjin looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to finish impatiently. She looked like she was holding back, like she wanted to do something but forced herself to stay still. Heejin licked her lips and continued, "Do you want to..?"_

_Hyunjin understood. Heejin knew she did. And if she didn't know by the way the stars in her eyes shined so much brighter, then she knew by the way Hyunjin brought her face right up to Heejin's, lips connecting with hers in the softest, slightest kiss. And that was how it went. And that was all she needed. The grin that took over her face said it all._

_Heejin didn't know how she was still alive with the way her heart beat as fast as it did._

She looked at the bracelet on her wrist, every memory made in this house coming back to her, whether to bless or haunt her, she didn't know. She barely remembered how to breathe after remembering that time with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was everything. Hyunjin was the sun rising into the sky every morning. Hyunjin was the breath of fresh air you first take after stepping outside. Hyunjin was the greatest thing to ever happen to Heejin.

The day she gave Heejin that bracelet, the one she still wears on her wrist, was the same day Heejin asked her to be her girlfriend. It was the same day Heejin skipped history class to happy cry because she said yes. That was the best day of Heejin's life. The day she got accepted into college was second. She can't tell if today is third, or if today is last on the happiest days of her life chart.

They used to only ever communicate through their bedroom windows that they saw each other in. Heejin still has some of the notebooks she used to write her messages to Hyunjin in. She packed them in the same box she put the sweatshirt Hyunjin gave her in.

But before talking like that, it was Heejin staring out the window to hope to get a glimpse of her like a creep. Hyunjin was new to the neighborhood at that time, and ever since she went with her family to go welcome her and her family, she has been infatuated since. She never knew why until too many years later.

There were days that Heejin would sit by her windowsill for hours to talk to Hyunjin, and it wasn't until high school that they'd ever talk in person. But ever since their first verbal conversation, they were never separated. Their teachers used to joke about how they were a two in one deal, or how they were attached by the hip. One teacher even called them soulmates. That was Heejin's favorite.

Then she remembered their first date. She remembered the ice cream that melted quickly into their hands, dripping down into the sand on the beach they walked on. She laughed so hard it hurt when she remembered the way they couldn't stop laughing after a stranger called them "disgusting dykes" for kissing each other. She remembered kissing Hyunjin every day after that.

Heejin smiled, just as soft as the memories she reminisced on, leaning on the windowsill she leaned on just as she did when she was younger, talking to Hyunjin. Her eyes traveled through the foliage on the trees, leaves soon to fall off as the colder weather came in. She looked down at the grass, still as green as it was in the summer, and longer, too, because she hadn't found any time to mow it in between packing boxes and doing this; doing this, she thought with a weight falling onto her heart, as her eyes connected with the house right across from hers, looking through that same window, looking at that same girl.

Hyunjin was there, smiling right over to Heejin, and it all felt unreal again. Heejin thinks that the butterflies may always be there in her stomach every time she sees Hyunjin smile like that, because they never seem to go away. Heejin waved, laughing to herself when Hyunjin waved back and made a funny face. Heejin's eyes started watering when Hyunjin leaned down to grab a notebook. And tears slipped from her eyes when she saw her writing something down.

_I'm gonna miss this when it's over,_ her paper wrote. Heejin wiped at her tears and nodded, nodded because she couldn't agree more. She already missed Hyunjin and she was right there. None of this felt real. She couldn't believe she'd have to leave Hyunjin's side this early. She was madly in love with Hyunjin.

Through her own tears, Heejin could see that Hyunjin was crying too. She scribbled something down on a new paper and turned it so Heejin could see again. _I love you._

Heejin broke down, covering her face with her hands as her tears could no longer stop falling. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat and nodded so fervently it made her dizzy. "I love you so much," she said, knowing Hyunjin could see. She wiped her eyes and suddenly, Hyunjin wasn't there. 

She leaned against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, regulating her breathing. She didn't know how to say goodbye. She might not see Hyunjin again. They might go their separate ways after this. Heejin didn't know what to do with that thought. She hoped that Hyunjin would stay with her, even if they were miles apart. She hoped Hyunjin would wait for her. She knows that when she makes it to the stage, being the musician she always dreamed of being, it will all be thanks to Hyunjin. The girl that Heejin owed the world. Maybe the last time she'd ever see Hyunjin was right then.

September was a difficult month, because of all of this. But if they ever saw October, Heejin would never be able to let Hyunjin go. Maybe it was for the better. _Maybe it was for the better_...

Heejin left her room, catching her breath before opening the door and going outside. She stopped when she saw Hyunjin there, standing on her lawn across the road, still so perfect even with tears streaming down her face. Heejin laughed, happy, and walked faster and faster until she was running, jumping up into Hyunjin's arms. She kissed Hyunjin again and again until she knew Hyunjin must be sick of all the affection, because she had four years worth of kisses to take before leaving. They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other like they were broken, staying right there because they both knew it would be over when they let go. Neither dared to talk. Neither knew what to say anyway.

Heejin's heart was swelling and breaking at the same time. She knew this was goodbye. This was goodbye to the goodnight kisses, goodbye to the hour-long chats about nothing, goodbye to the I-love-you's and goodbye to the loud, infectious laughter of Hyunjin's. This was goodbye to everything Heejin knew.

"Will we see each other again?" Hyunjin asked, and Heejin could feel a tear land onto the skin of her neck.

Heejin choked on all her words, because she didn't know. She didn't know if they would, and that scared her.

"W-will you still love me?" Hyunjin asked, and Heejin still held her body close as it started shaking. She kissed the crown of her head, letting her own tears fall again.

"Forever," Heejin promised.

A car beeped behind them, and they both knew what that meant. They held each other a little tighter, cried a little harder, and pretended none of this was happening. Heejin's heart was crushed. But she knew that one day, somehow, they'll meet again. It was destiny. It was written in the stars. They were shaking, they were scared of exploring the world without each other, and they would never be ready to let go. But all good things must come to an end.

Heejin pulled away, holding Hyunjin's hands tighter than she ever has before. She brought each hand to her lips, kissing them gently, each knuckle, each fingertip, each palm... she just needed Hyunjin to know that she loved her. That she didn't want to let go. That she was so happy to have had her in her life. Even if Hyunjin only ended up being a chapter of it.

"I love you," Heejin reminded once again. "I'll always think of you. And I will always miss you."

Hyunjin laughed through her tears. "I'll miss you too. All the time." She sighed, looking down at their hands before meeting Heejin's eyes again. "You'll make great things happen, my love. I know it."

Heejin would never be ready to let go. "I love you."

Hyunjin let go of her hands. "I love you too." They gave each other one last smile before Heejin walked over to the car, opening the car.

"You ready to go, kid?" her dad asked. Heejin looked up, meeting Hyunjin's eyes and smiled.

"I'm ready, Dad."

And as the car drove off, Heejin was once again half of a whole.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't edit this at all sorry for any errors


End file.
